She'll Be Coming 'Round The Canyon When She Comes...

[madam-zarenyia.livejournal.com]

*scrambles up a sheer face of desert scree and spots everyone preparing to depart*

Aha! Hello? Hellooo?

*above the waist, is a cheery redhead dressed in a fetching goth / steampunk sort of outfit, complete with frilly black parasol*

*below the waist, is a GINORMOUS FECKOFF BLACK WIDOW SPIDER*

*waves to attract attention, with free arm and both forward pincers*

...Um...excuse me? Hello! ...Yoo-hoo?

Comments

[temeraire1805.livejournal.com]

*lands in front of you with a ground-shaking THUMP!*

*ROARS defensively with ruff raised*

[madam-zarenyia.livejournal.com]

*regains footing from your THUMP!*

*looks up at you, towering overhead, all glistening scales and sharp teeth and jagged claws...and has the temerity to squee*

Ooooh! Oh my perditions, aren't you gorgeous?

Let me guess...you're a Fleur-de-Nuit? No, wait - an Imperial! Please tell me you're an Imperial; I've never met one of the Royal line before.

*all eight legs fidget excitedly*

[temeraire1805.livejournal.com]

*is very taken aback*

I beg your pardon?

No, no, I am not an Imperial. I am, in fact, a Celestial. Lung Tien Xiang. But my Western name is Temeraire.

I'm terribly sorry, but... *peers at your spider leggies* are you quite all right?

[madam-zarenyia.livejournal.com]

A Celestial?

:0 :0 :0 :0 :0

Well, no wonder! *scampers around admiring your ruff and markings, ooh-ing and ahh-ing, legs making an unsettling skittling noise* Oooh! Can you do the thingy, too? You know, the Divine Breath?

*beams*

Oh, I'm absolutely tremendous, poppet. Just had the biggest feast I've had since I left the pit. *belches demurely*

*follows your gaze down to spidery legs*

Oh, poo...I forgot again, didn't I? It's just that's it's so much easier to get around on the rocky terrain this way.

*concentrates, and back end shrinks down into a silky black dress; eight legs changing into two, and the massive abdomen reducing down into a frilly black bustle*

There. Better?

[missmollyhooper.livejournal.com]

*walks up from a small path hand in hand with Martin*

We've seen Tarry and Alice safely off. They'll be heading off to...I dunno, make maps or something. Couldn't get them to speak plain English. They've taken Dean and Sam as well. Poor things weren't too keen on more flying. Prefer to drive that fancy sports car.

*sees huge feckoff spider woman shift forms*

*puts hand on flower spike just in case*

Hello.

[madam-zarenyia.livejournal.com]

*beams at you*

Hello darling! Oh, thank goodness, someone with good manners. Well, tempered with good sense - a dagger disguised as a flower! I like it. I feel it on a deep personal level, if you know what I mean. *winks at you conspiratorially*

Anyhoo, I was following a group of rascals in a big ugly car (http://small-things.livejournal.com/11215.html) with the most deliciously evil-smelling souls, but I seem to have lost them. It's like they all just went poof!

You wouldn't happen to have seen them, would you?

[missmollyhooper.livejournal.com]

They went poof.

[madam-zarenyia.livejournal.com]

Did they really? *face falls* Oh, crumpets. I suppose I shouldn't complain after the absolute banquet I just had, but oh, they smelled so delectably detestable, and I was so looking forward to a good dessert...

*spies people trying to adjust Sherlock's harness and immediately brightens again*

Oh! Are you going on a dragon ride? Can I come too? Can I? Oh please oh please oh please!

*dances in place*

[merida-dunbroch.livejournal.com]

Well, I dunno. Ye were just half a big feckoff spider a minute ago.

*draws bow*

I'm no' sure I'm verra comfortable wi' that.

[madam-zarenyia.livejournal.com]

*totally ignores your drawn arrow*

Oh, I know; I'm such a forgetsy-Betsy sometimes. But really, it is so awkward trying to navigate all these rocks on just two legs. I don't know how you bipeds stand it.

But oh, I've never ridden on a dragon before! You don't know what it's like, being cooped up in hell millenia after millenia; stuck in the same boring old routine and never doing anything fun.

*idea*

Oooh! Look - there's not any people on the big red one over here, just your luggage. I could ride on him, and with all my proper leggies out, I wouldn't even need a harness!

[i-k-blue.livejournal.com]

Good afternoon! Call me Hugh. I am reliably informed you provide Pleasures. Could I trouble you for a freshly-stretched canvas?

[madam-zarenyia.livejournal.com]

!!!

Well, look at you! I don't think I've ever met one of your kind before. And believe me, that is saying something! What sort of creature are you?

Oh, I'm so sorry poppet; I'm fresh out of canvas. But wait - here!

*hoists skirt and tears off a wide strip of crisp white petticoat*

Will this do?

[sybil-t-psychic.livejournal.com]

*draws you sharply aside*

*stage whisper*

Miss Hooper...have you any idea what that...thing...is? It's a...*voice drops even lower, as though speaking a disgusting dirty word*...a succubus. A devil from hell! It punishes the wicked by catching them and...well, and...er...you know...*vague hand motions; finally, when you don't get it*...pleasures them to death, and then devours their immortal souls!

That thing is without doubt the deadliest creature we have yet encountered in this realm. Are you prepared to have it just lollygagging about in our midst?

[missmollyhooper.livejournal.com]

*seriously considers*

I'm hardly qualified to judge. With the things we've seen and done in such a short time...

*considers harder*

But we do have a few people who aren't completely innocent. I wouldn't call them "wicked", but some of us do have blood on our hands...

*visibly considers*

Then again, we could always impose a watch on her. Perhaps have the dragons guard her...

*looks up at Temeraire, then at Sherlock, eyes widening*

*whispers almost inaudibly*

D'you think she'd try to sleep with one of them?

[capt-crieff.livejournal.com]

*cannot believe own luck, getting hand held by a pretty girl and whatnot*

[i-k-blue.livejournal.com]

*tries to hide behind Bilbo's neck, almost strangling him in the process*

[bilbo-baggins.livejournal.com]

*thrown off-balance, trying to keep from strangling*

My dear fellow! What on earth is the matt -

*gets one look at Zarenyia and DIVES behind the nearest boulder*

*grabs Sting by the hilt and peeks out from behind the rock*

Spiders...why does it always have to be spiders...?

[i-k-blue.livejournal.com]

What are those shapes talking about? I can't hear them.

[bilbo-baggins.livejournal.com]

The big spider-lady wants to ride the dragons with us to Mount Axis. Also, the spider-lady is a devil from hell.

0_o

Also, the spider-lady can made her back end disappear.

Sybil thinks we should tell her no. Molly's worried what she'll do if we tell her no.

...And now the spider-lady is making kissing noises at Sherlock.

[i-k-blue.livejournal.com]

What's hell?

[bilbo-baggins.livejournal.com]

Well, it's, um...it's quite simple really, it's...er...well, it's a place where some folk believe that bad people go when they die. There are devils that live there to punish the bad folk. I suppose our spider-lady must be one of them.

I thought I heard Sybil say something about her pleasuring people to death, too. Can't think what she meant. In my case I rather suspect it would involve an infinite tub full of soap and warm water and copious amounts of bacon and eggs.

[i-k-blue.livejournal.com]

Bad people? Shapes can be bad? There aren't any bad colours. There are colours that clash, but that's not the same thing.

Why the dayglo purple fuck does every comment I make appear twice?!

[bilbo-baggins.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. I'm afraid so. Usually wherever gold is concerned, I've found. Gold turns many folks' heads as wouldn't hurt a fly otherwise.

So nice it posted twice?

[i-k-blue.livejournal.com]

Bilbo Baggins! I have an Idea (http://small-things.livejournal.com/13667.html?thread=538723#t538723).

[bilbo-baggins.livejournal.com]

No, wait!

*scrambles up and tries to follow you as you flutter away towards the big dangerous spider-lady*

*hangs back as cautiously as possible, with a hand on Sting in case you need rescuing*